


I Don't Know of Later

by charlottesophia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Elementary School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Kindergarten & Pre-school, Alternate Universe - Middle School, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-01 02:42:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottesophia/pseuds/charlottesophia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Whatcha cryin’ for? I’m the one who got beat up.” Defending you and your stupid blue eyes, Dean almost added.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Caped Crusader

 

Dean sat outside the principal’s office, his legs swinging idly and the bruise on his cheek beginning to throb. He’d been offered an ice pack earlier by the nurse but he was a Winchester, and if there was anything a Winchester was it was martyr.

Inside the principal’s office he could hear Miss Gupta and his mom arguing - something about violence and school policies. He wasn’t really paying attention, his eyes instead fixed on the kid that sat across from him, for that kid was the reason Dean was sitting there in the first place. And the kid was crying, which bothered Dean more than it should.

“Hey,” he said, causing the kid to look up and wipe tears from his blue eyes. They were nice eyes, Dean decided, they did funny things to his tummy though.

“Yes?” the kid asked, sniffling pretty pathetically if you asked Dean.

“Whatcha cryin’ for? I’m the one who got beat up.” Defending you and your stupid blue eyes, Dean almost added.

“I-I know,” the kid stuttered, “I’m crying because you got hurt.”

Dean rolled his eyes and hopped down from his seat, cringing a little from the pain that shot up his leg as he did so. When Alastair had pushed him down for what felt like the 50th time, he’d scraped his knee pretty hard on the concrete, and no matter how many bandaids the nurse applied, it still hurt.

“No need to cry ‘bout it though kid,” Dean said as he sat down next to him on the other side of the hall.

“Castiel.”

“What?”

The boy turned his head towards Dean and though his smile was a little watery, it was infectious and made Dean smile back. “My name, it’s Castiel.”

“That’s gotta be the weirdest name I’ve ever heard,” at this Castiel looked worried but Dean laughed and stuck out his hand, “I’m Dean.”

Castiel tentatively shook hands with Dean, whose own grip was firm and confident, just like his dad taught him.

Silence descended upon the two boys once again as Dean kicked his feet and Castiel listened to the adults arguing in the next room. Dean was worried his mom would be mad at him for confronting Alastair but instead she just seemed angry at Miss Gupta. To be fair, Alastair had started it by picking on Castiel, poor helpless Castiel who was new and little and innocently colouring in something or other by himself in the corner of the playground. Usually Dean tried to stay out of Alastair’s way, but Castiel was new and no one would defend him yet, so despite his best friend Jo’s protests, Dean had decided it was his duty to help him.

And in Dean’s own opinion, he didn’t deserve to be punished for such a heroic act. He was just doing what Batman would do, after all.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Cas?” Castiel echoed.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m callin’ you now.”

“Oh...” Castiel said, seeming slightly bemused. “Okay.”

“So yeah, anyway,” Dean continued, getting back on the topic he originally wanted to discuss. “Do you think I’m like Batman?”

Dean had expected a ‘yes’ right away but instead a received a confused look and the question of, “Who’s Batman?”.

“Who’s Batman?” Dean repeated incredulously. “Who’s Batman?!”

Just as Dean was about to explode into a long tirade about the awesomeness that was his favourite superhero, the door the principal’s office opened and out stepped his mom, Miss Gupta and a lady he didn’t even know had been in there, he certainly hadn’t heard her during the heated argument.

At the sight of his mom Dean jumped down from his seat and rushed to her.

“Hey mom, guess what?” he asked, not even waiting for a response before continuing, “Cas doesn’t know who Batman is!”

Usually Mary would indulge her son, would exclaim an overexaggerated ‘really?’ and gasp in shock, but after arguing for so long with Dean’s principal her response was more lackluster.

“Really?” she said, sighing as she bent down and scooped up her son.

“Yup! Can he come over to watch it? Can he? Please, mom!”

Mary cast her gaze to the small boy looking up at his own mother with wide eyes. Naomi had been very quiet as Principal Gupta had told her and Mary about the so-called ‘trouble’ that they had been causing, but Mary could sense her annoyance at being dragged out of work, for work is so obviously where she had been if her clothing choice was anything to go by, for nothing more than a school yard scrap in which her son had not been hurt from the looks of him. His hair was pretty messed up, dark brown tufts pointing in all directions, but other than that Mary could see no sign of anything being wrong with him.

“Why don’t you go ask him if he’d like to?” she asked and set Dean back onto the ground, smiling  fondly as he ran over to the other boy and took his hand.

Later that day Mary wore the same smile as she walked quietly into the living room, a sleeping Sam Winchester cradled in her arms, and saw the two boys curled up together on the couch, eyes closed whilst the caped crusader battled evil on the television screen.


	2. Making Constellations With Our Fingertips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That there’s the Big Dipper,” Castiel whispered, his fingers tracing along the eight stars that formed the constellation. “And right next to it is Orion.”  
> Dean’s gaze followed Cas’ fingers, fascinated. “How do you know all this stuff?”

The incident that landed Dean outside the principal’s office on Cas’ first day of kindergarten ended up being a pretty regular occurrence. Although it wasn’t the same bully, Alastair stayed away from the boys after Dean threw a punch that broke his nose, too scared to even dare go near them, it tended to be for the same reason. And from what Dean could tell that reason was absolutely nothing. Some, like Zach, would claim that Cas had said something mean or looked at them funny but really it just seemed that Cas got under people’s skin without even trying and Dean was always the one who had to come to his rescue. Dean didn’t really mind though - he liked being Cas’ Batman.

Dean’s mom however, did mind. She was tired of him getting into so many fights, constantly being called into school, bouncing a one year old Sammy on her hip, and having to explain to Dean time and time again that violence wasn’t always the answer. This lesson was especially hard to drive into her son as her husband always insisted the opposite when he heard of Dean’s exploits, giving him a high five before proceeding to teach him how to make a proper fist.

Just that afternoon Mary had Dean sat up on the kitchen counter as she cleaned the cuts on his knees. Cas was sat next to him, holding Dean’s hand as her son winced from the disinfectant she was pouring on the scrapes. It had turned out that not only did Cas not know who Batman was, but also Captain Kirk and Han Solo, and long story short, he ended up spending a lot of time in the Winchester residence, so Mary was no longer surprised when she came inside to find him there.

“Cas, you don’t have to hold my hand,” Dean said, his actions contradicting his words as he squeezed the boy’s hand even tighter.

“I’m not doing it for you, stupid,” Cas replied and his grip on Dean’s hand didn’t waver. “I just like holding people’s hands,” he then reached out and slipped his hand into one of Mary’s, making her smile. “See?”

“Hmm,” Dean seemed to contemplate this for a second, “Well, if that’s the only reason...”

“It is,” Cas said insistently.

“Okay then,” Dean said and threw his friend a smile when Mary began placing bandaids on his knees.

“Y’know,” she heard him whisper conspiratorially to Cas, “You can let go of mommy’s hand now.”

That evening the boys still held hands as they made their way out into the warm air of the backyard. Nestling down on their backs in the tall grass, they used their free hands to point out the stars.

“That there’s the Big Dipper,” Castiel whispered, his fingers tracing along the eight stars that formed the constellation. “And right next to it is Orion.”

Dean’s gaze followed Cas’ fingers, fascinated. “How do you know all this stuff?”

“Anna taught me,” he replied and Dean nodded in understanding, squeezing Cas’ hand as he saw his eyes being to mist.

Anna was Castiel’s oldest and only sister. Dean wasn’t sure how much older she was but she must have been quite big since Cas said he hadn’t seen her in years. Cas said Anna had run away and Dean didn’t really understand what that meant, people couldn’t just run away forever could they? Sooner or later someone has to catch them.

“S'alright Cas,” Dean said, as Castiel turned his face into Dean’s neck.  

Despite what most would think, Cas didn’t cry a lot. He didn’t cry when he cracked his head open on Miss Jones’ desk, or that time he got stuck up a tree in Dean’s backyard and he had to wait up there for half an hour until the fire department came. But he cried for other people and Dean knew that as Cas sobbed into his neck that he wasn’t crying because he missed Anna, he was crying because he was worried about her.

“What if she’s hurt?” he asked, confirming Dean’s suspicions.

“She’s not hurt,” Dean replied with ease, his other hand coming around to stroke Cas’ hair like he did to Sammy when he was upset.

Castiel lifted his head from Dean’s neck to look him in the eye. “How do you know?”

“Because I’m Batman,” Dean said in his best deep voice, which really wasn’t deep at all, and smiled as Cas laughed, wiping his tears away with his palm.

“You’re so silly, Dean,” Cas said, but he was smiling and Dean would continue being silly for the rest of his life if it meant Cas wouldn’t cry anymore.

“What’s that one?” Dean asked, pointing up at the sky and the two boys looked back up at the stars, hands still intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Kudos guys!!! If you'd like to see something in this story then don't hesitate to comment, I'm making this up as I go along. All I know is that they're growing up together and chapters will get longer.


	3. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ow!” Cas said as he landed on the tarmac under the swing. “What did you push me for?”  
> “What the heck did you rat me out to Miss Mosely for?!” Dean shouted, pushing Cas again when he tried to get back up.

In the beginning, Jo didn’t really like Castiel. At first she was afraid that he’d steal Dean away from her - Dean was her only friend, the other little girls claiming that if she acted like a boy then she should play with a boy and the other boys not coming within 10 feet of her because they didn’t wanna catch girl cooties - or that Dean would like him better. After that assumption was proven false, Jo didn’t like Cas because he’d only ever really talk to Dean, and about strange things too like stars and insects and things she had no idea about.

But then one day during christmas vacation Dean got sick with the flu and Jo would’ve had no idea if Cas hadn’t run across and along the street to the Harvelle’s, for Dean and Jo had lived within minutes of each other ever since they could remember, and crashed into her bedroom announcing that together they had to help Mary make him tomato-rice soup, because that’s what she always made when Dean got sick.

It had turned out that tomato-rice soup didn’t actually require a lot of preparation and so Jo and Cas ended up helping Mary bake apple pie instead, it seemed someone was always cooking in that house. Whilst rolling out the pastry and mixing the filling, she and Cas discovered they actually had quite a lot in common and that without Dean, whose attention they were always vying for, they got along pretty well.

So Dean, Jo and Cas became a sort of three muskateers, having reached a group dynamic in which nobody felt left out. Of course there were some things that each person could never quite understand; the way Dean and Jo would tease each other was lost on Cas, his and Dean’s ability to communicate without words baffled Jo and Dean would never see the appeal of the long runs Cas and Jo took together, but they worked.

“Wanna go to the park after school today?” Dean whispered to his desk, or at least that’s what it looked like.

“Sure,” Cas replied within an instant, he too was whispering.

They all had left kindergarten now and first grade was proving to be a challenge. They’d already been told off thrice today for talking too much but Cas, Jo and Dean especially found it hard to keep their mouths shut. There hadn’t been much of a restriction on talking in kindergarten.

“I’ll have to ask my mom,” Jo whispered, looking anywhere but the boys. They were all sat next to each other, Dean in the middle with Jo to his left and Cas to his right, in the front row of the classroom. They’d been moved there the second week of the school year. “But she’ll probably be fine with it.”

Dean whispered an ‘awesome’ and then turned his head to look at Cas’ sheet of math problems. He’d completed them all and was now doodling around the edges absentmindedly. Dean hurriedly copied down Cas’ answers, he’d never been good at this kind of thing.

When the bell rang the kids raced out of school, all except Castiel who, still in the classroom,  tentatively approached their teacher.

“Miss Mosely?” he asked, rubbing the back of neck with one hand.

“Yes, Castiel?” she replied as she slowly made her way around the classroom, collecting various sheets of paper the kids had left behind.

“I-I, umm,” Castiel chewed his bottom lip.

“I? I what?” Miss Mosely asked, turning her full attention to him. “C’mon, quit your jabbering and tell me.”

“I think Dean needs help with his math.”

Dean stood outside the school with his mom as he held Sammy carefully in his arms, although the little boy was getting too big for Dean to be able to hold him properly anymore.

“Where’s Cas?” asked his mom as she gently took Sam off of him.

Dean pouted at the loss. “He’s inside, said he had to talk to Miss Mosely ‘bout somethin’.”

Just as Dean was speaking Cas came running outside.

“Sorry for making you wait Mrs Winchester,” he said a little breathlessly. “So is Jo coming with us to the park?”

“Nah, Ellen said no,” Dean said, climbing into the back of Mary’s car.

“Dean! You can't just call Mrs Harvelle Ellen!” Cas replied in outrage as he slid in next to Dean.

“But she told me to!”

“You still can’t!”

“Well I just did.”

Mary rolled her eyes at the two.

Later, as they pushed themselves higher and higher on the swings, Cas told Dean what he’d said to Miss Mosely.

“Ow!” Cas said as he landed on the tarmac under the swing. “What did you push me for?”

“What the heck did you rat me out to Miss Mosely for?!” Dean shouted, pushing Cas again when he tried to get back up.

Cas wasn’t used to Dean being violent towards him. Sure he’d witnessed it when Dean had beat up his bullies time and time again but never had he imagined that Dean would try and _hurt_ him. And wow it really did hurt.

“I was just trying to help,” Cas murmured into the tarmac because Dean currently had his face pressed into it.

“What?” Dean released his grip on Cas’ hair.

“I was just trying to help, I knew you didn’t get it and I knew you wouldn’t ask for help.”

And Cas had him there. Dean hadn’t asked for help in school since Cas had known him and he avoided asking for anything in general like the plague.

Dean plopped down onto the ground next to Cas. “D’you think I’m stupid?”

“No,” he replied vehemently, telling the absolute truth. Dean was the smartest person he knew, sans Anna who he guessed he didn’t really know anymore.

Dean ran a hand over his face and sighed. “Sorry for pushing you.”

“Sorry for trying to help.”

Dean laughed. “That’s a really dumb thing to be sorry for.”

“Sorry for being so dumb then.” Cas smiled.

They picked themselves back up and sat on the swings sideways so they faced each other, no longer trying to reach the sky but enjoying the view all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys and your abundance of kudos :)  
> Sidenote: my tumblr is charliesangelofthursday.tumblr.com


	4. For Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 24th

“Cas, what are you doing?” Dean giggled, his eyelashes tickling Castiel’s hand which was currently covering up his eyes. Both Dean’s hands were being held by one of Cas’ as he was led blindly into the Winchester backyard.

“It’s a surprise,” Cas replied, walking slowly so he and Dean wouldn’t trip.

Dean squinted, trying to see through the cracks in Cas’ hand. One minute he’d been sat on the couch and the next Cas had come running through his back door - Dean hadn’t even known he was back there in the first place - and had slapped a clammy palm across his eyes, yelling ‘don’t you dare peek!’.

They were obviously in the backyard, Dean’s sense of direction wasn’t so bad as to lead him to think they were somewhere completely different. He could also smell something burning and felt an unnatural warmth in the air for a January evening, so figured that Cas had probably set up a campfire. But he wouldn’t spoil Cas’ fun and say that, of course.

“Happy Birthday Dean!” Cas removed his hand from Dean’s eyes with a flourish.

He’d been correct, there was a campfire and sat around it were Jo, Ellen and his uncle, Bobby, who he hadn’t seen in months since he lived all the way in South Dakota.

Bobby wasn’t technically his uncle as they had no blood relation, nor were they related by marriage, but he was one of John Winchester’s best friends and when Dean had been born, Bobby had been named God-father. So far he’d lived up to the title, always coming down to see Dean on his birthday.

“Happy Birthday, boy,” Bobby said, walking up to Dean and pulling him into a tight hug. “Hows it feel to be seven?”

“Can’t. Breathe.” Dean choked out and Bobby released his hold, chuckling.

“Don’t be such a girl,” Bobby patted him roughly on the back.

“Hey!” Jo and Ellen shouted in unison.

“Upsetting everyone already are we Bobby?” Mary asked as she stepped into the garden, holding Sam’s hand as he toddled along slowly.

Cas was the first one to witness Sam’s first steps. He and Dean had been sitting in the living room, watching cartoons idly and playing cars with Sam when Dean had gotten up to get a glass of water and his younger brother had shakily risen to his feet in an attempt to follow. He’d only managed a couple of steps before landing back on his bum, but still Cas had been amazed.

Now Sam was more sure on his feet and if the Winchesters didn’t keep a close eye on him he’d be off in a flash, running into the backyard before anyone could catch him.

“Happy birthday, sweetie,” Mary said, pulling Dean into a hug and planting a kiss on his forehead.

“Where’s dad?” Dean asked, casting his eyes to the floor and shifting about uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry baby but he had to work.” The ‘again’ was left unspoken.

“Hey Dean, why don’t we open your presents now?” Cas cut in abruptly, pulling him away from Mary and closer to the campfire.

His attempt at distraction worked, Dean's previously glum looking face lighting up at the mention of gifts. He and Dean sat down next to Jo, who proudly thrust a neatly wrapped parcel into Dean's hands.

"For Dean, love Jo and Ellen," Dean read smilingly as his hands made light work of the wrapping paper.

It was just an old Batman comic to Cas, but to Dean it was a 'limited edition' and in 'mint condition' apparently.

"Thanks Jo, thanks Ellen, I love it," Dean said, pulling Jo into a one armed hug.

Bobby gave Dean some classic rock cassette tapes that he'd been begging to borrow for ages and a book filled with fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm, promising that they weren't like normal fairy tales when a disappointed look came over Dean's face, which seemed to appease him.

Mary’s gift really took the cake though. Dean had turned to her so he could gush about his presents when he saw her wheeling in something that looked suspiciously like a bicycle.

Dean had been begging for one for ages, ever since he’d found out both Cas and Jo had one. They would ride around on his street, and sure Cas would let him ride on the handlebars but he still felt left out. Now he wouldn’t.

“You got me a bike!” Dean shouted, running over to hug his mom as tightly as he could.

"What makes you think that?" Mary asked mockingly, ruffling her son's hair. "Why don't you unwrap it, just to check?"

Dean nodded and hurried to unwrap his present. Afterwards he begged to go riding with Cas and Jo but apparently it was too late which made Dean scoff because 'mom, the sun has only just gone down' but whatever, there was always tomorrow.

It was only later when Dean and Cas were getting ready for bed that Dean realised that Cas had never given him a present. As they both settled down in Dean's bed, they were still small enough that they could share a single, he broached the subject.

"Thought you could get away with no getting me a birthday present, did ya?" Dean whispered, turning on his side to face Cas.

Cas' eyes went wide in response and before Dean knew it, the boy was claiming across him and rummaging at the bottom of his sock draw.

"Well you can't just get me my own socks, Cas," Dean said.

"Ssh," he replied, climbing back onto Dean's bed with a largish box in his hands.

He passed it to Dean who looked down at it in surprise.

"I completely forgot," Cas whispered. "Happy birthday, Dean."

Dean's fingers slid under the wrapping paper and he tore at it slowly as to not make too much noise, it was past his and Cas' bedtime after all.

As the paper fell away a white book front cover was revealed, the words _For Dean_ visible in a curling gold script.

Opening it up in silence, Dean first encountered a picture of a much younger version of himself with his mom and dad. Underneath the picture was the date it was taken and _Dean's 1st Birthday_. On the next page was him with Ellen and Jo and on the next him and Bobby. There were a variety of milestones of his life, like when he first walked or his first day at school. There were ones of him and Sammy, of him and just his mom and even a few of him and his dad.

"Cas," Dean breathed, his eyes scanning the last section of the photo album, all of which was pages full of him and Cas. This was by far the largest section.

"Do you like it?" Cas asked, biting his lip.

On the last page of photos, before they ran out and there was nothing but space for more, there was a picture of Dean and Cas looking at the stars. It was of their backs so his mom must have taken it but underneath the picture in Cas' neat little scrawl was _To even more years of looking at the stars together_.

Wordlessly, he pulled Cas into a tight hug which Cas returned immediately, breathing a sigh of relief.

"I guess that means you do like it. I know it's not cool like that Batman comic Jo got your or the music tapes from Bobby but," Cas paused, "I just wanted to get you something special."

"It is special," Dean assured him. "I love it, man."

And Dean really did. In the years to come he'd add more photos to it and look back at it whenever he felt sad. When buying it, Cas would have had no idea how important that photo album would become. But that's what made it so perfect in Dean's eyes.

"Would you say it's better than a Batman comic?" Cas asked, starting to grin.

"Way better," Dean replied,"But don't you dare tell Jo I said that. She'll kill me!"

"I won't," Cas said reassuringly.

"Pinky swear?"

And so he did.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer, I've had a busy couple of days. But enjoy!  
> My tumblr: charliesangelofthursday.tumblr.com


	5. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dad?" Dean asked. "What are you doing here?"  
> John remained silent and began writing quickly.  
> "Dad, where's mom?" Dean tried again.

They knew something was wrong the moment the Principal's voice sounded over the intercom.

"Will Dean Winchester please report to the Principal's office immediately."

At first they were confused, for all they knew Dean hadn't done anything wrong that day, at least nothing that deserved intervention from the principal. Even when Zach had started making fun of Cas again for some unknown reason, Dean had calmly requested he shut up and ignored the jabs seeing as he'd already received two warnings this week and was trying to avoid a third after the stern warning he'd received from his mom.

Rising from their seats, both Dean and Cas hurried to the office. Their teacher had been ready to stop Cas from leaving but in the end thought better of it, figuring that whatever he said to the Novak boy, he would find some way to contradict it in some extremely wordy monologue too advanced for a six year old.

“What do you think he wants?” Dean asked Cas quietly as they walked down the silent elementary school corridors.

“You’d know better than I would,” Cas replied.

When they arrived at the Principal's office, Cas tentatively pushed the door open, since Dean looked like he really didn't want to, to reveal a silent John and Sam Winchester waiting for them, the former's eyes looking extremely bloodshot and red ringed. The receptionist passed John a book for him to sign Dean out and he took it wordlessly.

"Dad?" Dean asked. "What are you doing here?"

John remained silent and began writing quickly.

"Dad, where's mom?" Dean tried again.

John passed the book back to the receptionist and began exiting the office with Sam, gesturing for Dean to follow. Dean did so and Cas started to but was stopped by the voice of the receptionist.

"Where do you think you're going Mr Novak? You haven't been signed out," she said, arms crossed over her chest and an unimpressed look on her face.

"I have to go with Dean," he explained, looking worriedly at the retreating backs of the Winchesters.

"That's not how it works I'm afraid."

He knew that, obviously. There was no need to patronise him. Teachers treating him like an idiot made his toes curl..

"Well I'm going," Castiel said and then ran after Dean, panting by the time he'd caught up. The receptionist called after him but he ignored her and so did the Winchesters.

They all climbed into the Impala, a car Cas rarely got to ride in due to the fact that it was John's car, not Mary's. Usually riding in the Impala was an extremely exciting event but today there was adrenalin curling around in Cas' stomach for a different, and far less pleasant, reason.

"Dad, where are we going?" Dean asked, his hands going to fiddle with his seatbelt strap.

Still he received no answer.

"Mr Winchester, please tell us where we're going," Cas tried, his voice taking on a harsh edge. Normally both Dean and John would sigh at this point and say that Cas didn’t need to bother with the ‘Mr Winchester’ but not today.

John's eyes flickered up to look back at the boys in his mirror as he answered. "The hospital."

Hospital?

"Hospital?" Cas asked.

"Dad, where's mom?" Dean asked, already knowing the answer.

"Hospital," came John's gruff reply.

The boys hands sought out each other's and interlinked, gripping tightly.

 

When arriving, the smell hit Dean immediately. It curled around in his stomach and clawed at his throat, almost made him retch. The last time he’d been here was when Sammy was born, a squirming bundle of wrinkled pink that Dean had instantly loved. He’d held him long after visiting hours.

Today was not such a happy occasion.

Trailing behind his father, Dean hurried along with his head down and his right hand in Cas’ left. He was unable to process the fact that his mom was here. He didn’t even know what was wrong with her. Was she hurt? Sick? Dad hadn’t told him a thing.

After turning and walking down endless corridor after corridor, all as blindingly white as the next, they reached a door that looked the same as all the others but Dean knew what lay behind it.

John pushed open the door and was greeted by a nurse. “You’re Mr Winchester?” she asked immediately as if she’d been expecting him.

“Yes,” John said gruffly.

“She’s been waiting for you.”

Dean perked up at this and slipped past his dad, pulling Cas along.

“Mommy?” he asked, seeing her sat up against the hospital beds pillows.

Her face lit up with a smile. “Dean!”

“You’re awake,” John said from behind Dean, his voice a little less low than it had been before.

“Mom what happened?” Dean asked as he climbed up onto her bed, Sammy following his lead with a little boost from Cas.

Mary’s eyes flickered to John before back to Dean. “Nothing much sweetie, all that matters is I’m going to be fine.”

“Promise?” Dean held his pinky finger out.

“I promise.” Mary linked fingers with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ick it's so short and not what I wanted it to be but I panicked ick I'm sorry


	6. A Disjointed Mess Of Complications

Mary was fine, for a while. She'd suffered a relatively serious head trauma and had been completely unconscious when being rushed to hospital, which had been the reason for John's panic.

"It was touch and go for a while," the doctor explained. She had a kind face and a soothing tone which eased Dean's frazzled nerves. "But after we managed to stop the bleeding, her heart rate returned to normal and so did her breathing. We'll need to keep her here under observation, just to make sure there's nothing seriously wrong with her. But, providing all goes well, she should be able to go home in 48 hours."

"Thank you." John nodded to the doctor, a strained smile on his face. Visiting hours were now over and he was forced to leave Mary.

Dean tugged at the doctors coat and she bent down to meet his gaze. "What is it, sweetie?" crinkles appearing by her eyes when she smiled, just like his mom.

"How long until mom can come home?" he asked, teeth worrying his lower lip.

"Hopefully, just 2 days.” she ruffled his hair.

But as previously stated, Mary was only fine for a while. The first 24 hours passed without any hiccups. Dean slept at the Harvelle’s that night feeling secure in the fact that his mom would be ok, and when he went to see her in the afternoon when school had finished, she seemed perfectly normal so the next night he once again slept soundly. It was on the second day that complications arose. And it was when she was talking to Dean that these complications became apparent.

“Dean would you pass me the,” Mary paused. “The...umm.” she gestured to the water jug.

“The water?” Dean asked, picking up the jug.

“Yes! Water.” Mary slapped her forehead and took the jug from Dean, pouring herself a cup.

Dean giggled at her but the nurse, who’d been removing Mary’s IV drip, frowned and excused herself. She returned 3 minutes later with the doctor, her frown mirrored now.

“Mrs Winchester, may I speak with you for a moment?” she asked.

“Of course, Dean go wait outside for a minute,” Mary said, playfully pushing Dean off of her bed. Dean left slowly, resenting the fact that he had to leave even for the smallest amount of time, much like his father.

He continued walking once he was in the corridor, even though he knew he shouldn't. If his mom or dad found out that he'd left and was wandering around on his own he'd be in big trouble for sure. But he couldn't sit outside waiting, hospitals made him too restless for that. He'd been aiming for the cafeteria but his sense of direction wasn't the best. 10 minutes may not seem like a long time to most, but to a seven year old whose concept of time was pretty flawed, it felt like forever, so Dean decided to drop into a patient's room in hope of finding a nice adult, like his mom's doctor, with directions back to where he'd come from. Instead there was a girl around his age, maybe younger, with a flames of red hair sticking out from her head at odd angles, similar to how Castiel's hair looked only longer, propped up in a hospital bed reading.

Dean lingered in the doorway. The girl didn't seem scary, although her focus on her book could be construed as marginally intimidating, but he wasn't sure if she'd know how to direct him to his mom's room. Plus, he didn't want to bother her if she was sick.

"You gonna just stand there?" her voice was high and her accent slightly different than his own. Her eyes flicked up to him. "Or are you gonna come in?"

He awkwardly sidled his way into the room and stood at the end of her bed. Talking to girls was so much more intimidating than talking to boys...

"Have you read this?" the girl held up a copy of _How To Train Your Dragon_ , a book which Dean had in fact read.

"Yes," Dean said quietly, his smile shy. "Good!" she clapped. "That means we can be friends. I'm Charlie."

"Dean." he smiled bigger now. "It's nice to meet you Charlie."

 

For the next half an hour the two kids discussed the ins and outs of the book series and by the time John found Dean, he and Charlie were in an intense argument about whether the book or the movie were better.

"But the movie made Toothless way more awesome," Dean said for probably the tenth time during the argument.

"Dean! There you are!" John said running into the room looking slightly breathless. "I've been looking all over for you, you were supposed to stay with your mom!"

"Sorry dad, but the nurse sent me out. Said she had to talk to mommy about something." Dean's eyes widened. "Do you know what it was?"

John cast his eyes downward and walked forward to scoop Dean up with a grunt, he was getting heavy. "Mommy's gonna have to stay at the hospital for a little longer," he said.

"What? Why?" Dean asked.

"Say goodbye to your friend, Dean." Dean waved solemnly at Charlie.

"Bye, Charlie."

"See ya, Dean."

"Why does mommy have to stay?" Dean asked again when they were out in the hall.

"They just have to do some more checkups," John replied, walking faster towards Mary's room.

"But why?"

"They just do."

"But _why_?"

"Because, Dean!" John shouted and roughly placed his son back on the ground outside of Mary's room, before stalking off in the direction they'd just come from.

Dean stared at the retreating back of his Dad, tears pooling in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON BLEH  
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, you guys rock.  
> Also, my tumblr is christmasangelofthursday.tumblr.com at the moment, it's usually charliesangelofthursday but tis the season!


	7. A Heart So Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s Greek,” said Cas, with all the wisdom and conviction a seven year old could ever muster. “It means forgetfulness.”

Dean liked the word amnesia. He knew from the moment he first heard it that it was important, that it truly meant something, that it wasn’t just another nothing word that adults threw around when trying to dodge the question. When he returned to school that Monday he’d told all his friends very proudly that his mom had  _ amnesia _ , and their youthful mouths slackened, trying to catch the word and make it theirs.

 

“It’s Greek,” said Cas, with all the wisdom and conviction a seven-year-old could ever muster. “It means forgetfulness.”

 

Dean’s mom was more than just forgetful.

 

She remained at the hospital for weeks upon weeks and they felt like years upon Dean’s childlike little soul. He looked up to his dad, worshipped the very ground he walked on, but without Mary to provide interference between the two their relationship grew increasingly strained. 

 

Dean was a needy child; Mary had raised him so. Ever since birth she had clung to him desperately and never let go, and his want for affection stretched as far as the eye could see. 

 

“He used to cry whenever I left the room,” she would reminisce wistfully, rocking Sam gently in her arms. “Could even tell when he was fast asleep. His little eyes would pop open the instant I put him down.”

 

And John could not provide the attention he required. He was a military man, raised by an even harsher father who drank liquor like water and had the constant imprints of pain across his knuckles. Even their name,  _ Winchester _ , spelled a toxic kind of masculinity that didn’t respond well to Dean’s teary requests for hugs. 

 

“Dad,” Dean called one night from the foot of his parent’s bed, blanket wrapped loosely around his shoulders and snot dripping from his nose. “I had a bad dream.”

 

John squeezed his eyes shut tighter, head banging from the bottle of bourbon he’d downed before sleeping. He missed Mary.

 

“Dad, please,” Dean wandered around to the side and shook his father’s shoulder gently, then harder. “Wake up.”

 

In John’s own twisted opinion, no son of his should be crying past the age of two. 

 

And so Dean began to press his own needs for affection onto the only person he knew would accept them - Cas. 

 

It began with a head on the shoulder, or a pull on his hand as the ran through the school playground, eyes wide and cheeks full of life as a bully chased them or the teacher called out for them. Dean’s fingers were always sticky with bubblegum, and Cas’ were soft and dry. Even after his mother returned from hospital, still blurry-eyed from medication and thin from sickness, Dean turned to Castiel for these touches. He found excuses to at every turn.

 

“Don’t you think it’s a little weird?” Asked Mary one day as she stirred her coffee, watching the two of them huddled together in the grass of their backyard. She’d noticed the change in him, saw the dependence Dean had on Cas.

 

“Maybe,” replied Ellen, sipping her tea, “but it’s not bad. He needs someone like Cas.”

 

Dean had always loved so freely, perhaps encouraged by the waves of adoration Mary poured upon him as an infant. His enthusiasm for other children was infectious and he was never left in want of friends, yet he always grew so bored of them, seeking something more, until Castiel came along. Maybe it was the way Cas seemed like an alien come to visit that intrigued Dean so, made him crazily committed, or as committed as a seven-year-old could be. Or maybe it was the way that Cas responded to the attention that Dean lavished upon him, like it was brand new every time. Either way, what Ellen had said was true. 

 

“I just worry,” Mary nibbled her lip, coffee growing cold in her grip. 

 

Like her son, she cared too much. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my fucking god??? am i really posting another chapter of this like three years later?????????????? what is wrong with me??
> 
> also my tumblr is now: cut-him-out-inlittlestars.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully I'll finish this one


End file.
